Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
