Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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