Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
