I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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