i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
