i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My vagina just recognized that song.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
