she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
