You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
