So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Are we still banned from the library?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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