you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
