i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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