Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
