Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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