Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
