The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
