Everything about him screamed your future.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm really busy with my period
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