It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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