You just made me feel so damn special
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
