No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
