I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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