Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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