I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
