I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
