Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
