You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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