NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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