the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
