Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
