when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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