A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
