Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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