I feel great
I just peed on a car
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
