if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
