You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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