Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
