Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
