He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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