i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
