Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
