How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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