I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
