I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
