Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
