i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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