Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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