walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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