Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
