I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
