There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
