dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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