Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
