do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
