omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
